Trump/Clinton = Lannister/Stark?


You’ve probably heard and read a lot about the presidential candidates this fall, unless you were smart and literally moved into a cave. (With no wifi.) But we daresay that no analysis or attack ad answered the most important question of all: Which fictional characters are the candidates most like?

Forget about the Bushes or Kennedys; how do Trump and Clinton compare to the Lannisters and Starks? Is The Donald a Joey, a Chandler, or a Ross? Is Hillary a Carrie, a Miranda, a Samantha, or a Charlotte? That’s what the people want – and need – to know.

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Where Are They Now? – High School Musical Edition

Finally freed of the dictatorial hand of Sharpay, Kelsi and Ryan thrived at Julliard. Although they remained great friends, they quickly realized their high school romance was just one of convenience. Kelsi is now happily living with her playwright girlfriend in New York while Ryan met his boyfriend while they were both performing at Disney World.

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Where Are They Now? – Breakfast Club Edition

When we last saw Allison Reynolds, she was the high school alternative teen queen, the emblematic misfit in the baggy lack sweater, hiding under her shaggy black hair, giving herself tattoos with ballpoint pens. High school was hell for Allison, but like most outcasts, college opened up a whole new world. After being accepted into the School of Art Institute in Chicago for her drawing, Allison fell into a circle of like-minded artists and for the first time in her life, didn’t feel like a complete alien. After that, she was free to let her freak flag fly, immediately joining an all-girl punk band, The Accidental Dads, where she played the bass – not played so much as held down a single note and occasionally screamed into the microphone.  After college, it was basically a battle to do anything except a normal day-job. For a while, she worked on a dairy farm in Peru, became an apprentice to a spiritual healer, and guided American tourists through ayahuasca trips.

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Love to Hate Ya Baby – Kelly Kapoor

Whether it’s through an office job, a circle of friends, or a doomed relationship, everyone has encountered a Kelly Kapoor somewhere in their lives.

You know the one. She’s always far too caught up on pop culture, who uses internet jargon in real life conversation, who laments her first world problems with a complete lack of self-awareness and seems to live for the next piece of celebrity (or ordinary) gossip. But part of Kelly Kapoor’s brilliance is that you can’t help feeling like a bad person for hating her. Kelly almost always means well, and her social gaffes are nowhere near as destructive as her boss Michael’s.

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Where Are They Now? – Gilmore Girls Edition

Rory Gilmore made a smart career move when she rejected Logan Huntzberger’s proposal and set off to cover the Obama campaign for an online magazine. She racked up a ton of connections (and a few post-break-up hook-ups) on the early days of the campaign. And after Obama won the election in 2008, she landed a high-profile job as the youngest member of the White House press corps.

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Where Are They Now? – Hannibal Edition

With Netflix and Amazon giving the show a pass and Bryan Fuller set to direct Neil Gaiman’s American Godsit seems like season 3’s bloody finale may indeed be the end of Hannibal.  However, as every fan fiction writer knows, every end is a new beginning – and with Fuller originally planning a seven-season run for Hannibal, there’s still plenty of story to explore.

With all that in mind, here’s how we think a Season 4 would look for our favorite cannibal and empath and their friends. Fair warning, though – spoilers for Seasons 1-3 abound, so proceed with caution!

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Throwback Thursday – Steven Hiller, Independence Day

Screen Shot 2015-07-30 at 1.13.40 PM

Credit: Everett Collection
Credit: Everett Collection

Who’s the man? Steven Hiller is the man! This elite fighter pilot has aspirations to become an astronaut because he wants nothing more than to travel through space. But the cosmos offer more than he bargained for when an alien invasion devastates the planet and threatens to destroy all life on Earth. Yet Steven’s more than ready to welcome his alien enemy with a quick punch to the face.

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